You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
