I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
