My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
