yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
