come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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