This girl is more easily done than said...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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