I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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