Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
