How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
