chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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