So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
