im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
