You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
