when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
