I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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