ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if only i could text you this smell
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
