i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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