the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
