Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
