I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
