My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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