I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
