the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she smelled like a LAN party
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
