wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize