Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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