my mouth tastes like poor choices
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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