I feel great
I just peed on a car
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
