My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Pants are for mortals
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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