I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
