look no pants
What did we do last night that was yellow?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
