420 ftw
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
