It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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