i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
