I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
