we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
