I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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