I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
