Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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