Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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