I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
