Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
