Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
