Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
