Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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