And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
