Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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