I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize