All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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