So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
