i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
