I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
