Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
