I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
