I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
