She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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