What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
