I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
