if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
