I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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