We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
