were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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