I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Two words: blizzard sex
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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