I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
