I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
