If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
