then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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