By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
