i can't believe i had my finger in that
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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