I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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