you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
