if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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