My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I will be naked everywhere
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
COCAINE IS GR8
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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