Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
