I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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