bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
