Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
