If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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