I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
me + whiskey = a bad person
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
