just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
