I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
