i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
