It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
