new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
4 words: hood of his car
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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