Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
