You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
