I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
