I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
