I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
