Can i not drive my cunt home
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
