Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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