This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
