i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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