So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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