alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Boobs speak an international language.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize