During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize