drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
