Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
