my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
