it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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