He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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