when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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