I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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