The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
