it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Damn victory sex feels great
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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