? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
